Lights
Without love,
Some kind,
Any kind of crazy love,
The lights are out
All over town.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Imaginary
If your paradise is an illusion,
Yet you believe you are in paradise,
Feel like you are in paradise,
Who is to say this is not real?
If your love is imaginary,
Yet it keeps you alive and dreaming,
Writing long love letters late at night,
Hoping, always hoping,
Until the oxygen finally runs out,
Who is to say this is not real?
Just because your heaven is a dream
Doesn’t mean you can’t live there.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Today Is Her Birthday
Today is her birthday,
And each year as I grow old,
On this day I will measure
Her mark upon my soul.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Momentary
When the light of your life grows dim,
When the love of your life is gone,
When the music stops
And you are back again to ordinary,
How exquisite the memory,
How painful the realization
That however lucky you may be,
All of this is momentary.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Still Dreaming
Acquisitive by nature,
And nurture,
My inclination is to possess,
Especially in matters of love,
Especially romantic love,
Especially you,
But I am defeated by depth,
By the depth of my love for you,
Love beyond selfishness,
Love for who you are without me,
Who you must be without me,
Without me,
This relentless romantic,
Still dreaming of you
With (almost) no hope.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
You
for Laura
I love what is unfinished,
Unfolding,
Undecided,
Free from certainty,
Curious,
Growing,
Eagerly embracing change,
Surprised by each new day,
Listening for the voices of angels,
Ready for a miracle . . .
You.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
My Secret
Plain, ordinary people
Sometimes fall in love,
Something that feels like love,
However brief.
It feels like love when it happens
To plain, ordinary people like me,
Who are not what you might call,
Good looking.
I go through life’s errands
Mostly unnoticed,
And then it happens.
I fall in love with a face,
With the gentle curl of her hair,
The liquid flow of her neck,
The sculpture of her fingers,
With something I cannot describe.
She notices me noticing her,
So I pretend not to notice
While I imagine she sees through
My plain appearance
Into my unclaimed heart.
Introductions are made,
We speak.
She shows no sign of knowing
That it is my wandering spirit
That has lingered here
To absorb the sound of her voice,
The light in her eyes.
She is formal and polite,
Quick to withdraw.
My secret is safe.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
When I Am With You
There is a part of me that awakens
When I am with you.
Not that I had forgotten.
No,
Not a single day goes by
That way.
I remember everything.
The blush on your cheek,
The tiny pink ribbon on your delicate white dress,
The curve of your shoulder,
Your restless sleep.
All my memories are charged with emotion,
But they are reflections of the past.
When I am with you
There is a part of me that awakens,
That memory cannot recreate.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
The Real Thing
True,
Incomparable love
Comes when your heart finds a home.
It may not last,
But if you’ve ever found it,
You’re one of the lucky ones.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Holding On
What can we hold onto?
When everything changes,
When everything passes,
When the years recreate who we are,
Sometimes lifting us,
Sometimes tearing us apart.
O love,
The clichéd word so easily pronounced,
The greeting card verse
Spoken without feeling,
O love,
If kept alive and breathing . . .
There is so much to love in this world.
Even when you are old and confined
You can love a memory.
Even when memories fall away
You can love an idea.
Even when cognition falters,
When fear invades,
When the dark idea of godless death threatens,
Believe!
Hold onto love,
However untranslatable it may seem.
Love will persist.
You will be saved.
~ Russ Allison Loar
~ Photo by Sharon Pruitt ~ Pink Sherbet Photography
© All Rights Reserved
Sometimes I See You
Sometimes I see you
Walking down the sidewalk,
Keeping your little children near and safe,
Or in the supermarket,
Selecting your purchases carefully
For a demanding family,
Or driving by fast,
In a hurry to complete your daily errands.
Sometimes I see you.
Sometimes you see me.
Sometimes we look at each other and recognize,
Something,
Something never meant to be.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
No Words
There are no words,
Nothing I can say or write,
That contain the loss
Of your arms around me,
Your body pressed close to mine,
The touch of a dream against my skin.
There are no words,
Not even these,
That contain the loss,
Of who I thought you were,
Who you turned out to be.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
I Awaken
Ordinary life,
A blessing really,
For those of us who have it.
Food,
Shelter,
Friends and family,
Something to do.
Yet something sleeps in ordinariness.
Even the fire of love becomes familiar,
Predictable.
Yet, when you look through my eyes,
Into my heart,
I awaken.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
I Am Called
Your smile calls across the room,
Across time and incarnation,
Calls from the past,
From the future.
You smile and I am called,
Into the eternal now.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
So Busy
My love is talking on the phone,
So busy,
Too busy to hear love’s examination of the heart,
So much to do.
Of course you love me,
Quote unquote,
Make love,
Quote unquote.
So much to do,
So busy.
Who am I?
Who are you?
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
O Darling
O darling,
I revere your diaphanous soul,
Your transcendent spirit,
Your light.
I want to be alone with you
And suck every last drop of sexuality
From your throbbing, pulsating body
Until we are both cleansed by desire.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Prison On Sunday
She helped me find God,
Bring God so much closer
By breaking my heart,
For no one else can help me now.
Have you ever been there?
Way down deep where the light is gone?
Where the weight of sorrow
Presses hard against the chest,
Makes it hard to breathe?
Food is so unappetizing,
Sleep is so impossible.
Have you ever been there?
Who do you talk to?
As all decent people know
Who went a little crazy
And ended up in prison,
God is the one you talk to,
Confess to,
Ask for peace,
Just a little peace from pain,
A small patch of sunshine.
It feels like prison tonight,
This absence,
Knowing the sweetness of her soul,
Knowing all the mistakes I cannot take back.
It is a prison of my own making,
Made of mad, blind enthusiasm
Without enough reflection to understand,
To understand when one is
(Oh those awful words)
Not wanted.
Perhaps I’ll wake up some morning and once again see,
See!
That even in my deepest sorrow,
I am blessed . . .
After a few extended conversations
With the only one I can talk to now,
The only one.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Old Men
What a trick nature plays
When our bodies age
And we are older,
Uglier old men,
And the lust is still strong,
The desire to procreate,
To possess
Something beautiful,
To consume and be consumed.
This is no longer a proper emotion
For old men,
So we pretend not to hunger so,
We feign indifference.
But when Spring’s young woman walks by,
All sinew and curve and bounce,
All smile,
All laughter,
Our old heads turn
And we are men again.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
That Destiny
In you I imagine
And hypothesize
That which belongs to destiny.
Yes,
That destiny,
The one you said is inevitable,
Unalterable.
Yes,
That destiny,
The one I said is malleable,
Uncertain.
One must force the hand of destiny,
I said,
Looking into your infinite eyes,
Afraid to declare my love,
Afraid of what destiny might do.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Sanity
Denied and defeated in love,
Sanity slowly returns
And I am again a practical person,
Again able to agitate
Over other pressing matters of the day,
Wiser, but no longer weightless.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Special Delivery
When I want love too much,
I remind myself not to be so selfish,
That love should be delivered
By winged messenger
With balloons.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
A Home In My Heart
There is a home in my heart
For each person I love,
Whether they love me,
Or not.
They’re all I’ve got.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
One Small Candle
When we decide to love,
To fall in love,
We luxuriate in our love,
Our precise, exquisite love,
Denied to so many.
We light one small candle
In a dark room,
Believing the whole wide world
Is ablaze.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Love Is Not Philosophy
for Cristian René
1. Love Is Easy
Unlike philosophy,
Love is easy,
Actual.
You wake up each morning
And joy fills your heart
Because someone you love will say,
“I love you,”
Before the day is through,
And you will hold each other close
In a moment of eternity.
2. Love Is Hard
Unlike philosophy,
Love is hard,
Actual.
You wake up each morning
And pain fills your heart
Because someone you love has said,
“I don’t love you,”
And all day long
You will feel wounded and empty,
Hoping it won’t last forever.
3. Love Is Mysterious
Unlike philosophy,
Love is mysterious,
Ethereal.
You wake up each morning
And both joy and pain fill your heart
Because you ache to say,
“I love you,”
If only you could find someone
Before the end of another lonely day
And see the dream awaken.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Overwhelmed
Overwhelmed by love,
I have nothing literary to say,
For when our souls and bodies join,
Pretensions slip away.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Passion Passes
It hurts to see hot lust
Behind steamy backseat windows
And feel the tug of pure, witless feeling.
Years of intellectual discipline
Have left me addicted to rational things,
Starved for the unspoken language of the young.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Reasons
There are plenty of reasons
Why not,
But they all vanish
At the thought of your touch.
All we have in this life
Are moments,
And another moment with you
Is reason enough.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Phantasy
O these love poems that men have wrought,
What woman is so foolish to believe?
Such extravagant, embellished images of thought
Constructed to entice and deceive.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Holding On
What can we hold onto?
When everything changes,
When everything passes,
When the years recreate who we are,
Sometimes lifting us,
Sometimes tearing us apart.
O love,
The clichéd word so easily pronounced,
The greeting card verse
Spoken without feeling,
O love,
If kept alive and breathing . . .
There is so much to love in this world.
Even when you are old and confined
You can love a memory.
Even when memories fall away
You can love an idea.
Even when cognition falters,
When fear invades,
When the dark idea of godless death threatens,
Believe!
Hold onto love,
However untranslatable it may seem.
Love will persist.
You will be saved.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
Real Love Is Not Clever
Real love is not clever.
Real love is clumsy,
Awkward,
Unsynchronized,
Inappropriate,
Embarrassing,
Stumbling,
Falling,
Grasping,
Letting go,
Giving up,
Miserable,
Necessary.
~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved
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