Writing About Love.Com

What I Should Have Done

I’ve said it all,
Upside down, inside out and backwards,
And all I’ve done is put all these words
Between us,
All these words
In the way,
When all I really wanted to do was hold you,
But I thought I had to explain,
Everything,
When all I should have done
And all I want to do,
Is stop all this explaining
And hold you.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Discarded Lovers

We are discarded lovers,
Wandering the streets,
Our heads hung down,
Too discouraged to look anyone in the eye.

We try to keep busy,
Always something to do,
Another task to complete,
To cover up the absence.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Enthusiams

When we made love
You may not have anticipated
I would write it down
And send copies out into the world.

You may have thought
It was no one else’s business.

You are right,
Of course.

But I just can’t help myself,
Love’s enthusiasms being what they are.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

The Way Out

If it is a real life you are living,
In the real world,
You are going to hit bottom once in a while.

The joy of life will vanish
And the future will look empty,
Without promise.

Yes,
It happens to me.

Love is the way out.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Vinegar And Oil

I heard someone say,
The heart wants what the heart wants,
And it helped me understand
Why my heart hurts
Even though my mind is clear.

Love and logic
Are like vinegar and oil,
Separate,
Contradictory,
Each unwilling to yield.

I can live with contradiction,
But my broken heart?

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Fathers And Daughters

O sweet child,
Father wants you to be happy
And will buy you many pretty things
And dust your life with confectioners’ sugar
And keep the world away
For at least another day.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

We Who Are Not Worthy

We who are not worthy
Do not ask for love.
We can live without it,
Prefer living without it,
Keep ourselves busy,
So busy,
Not the least little opening
Where love could leak in.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Home

So many kinds of love,
And lust,
And love,
But when I first touched your hand,
I knew I was home.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Guardian

She walks among us,
Taking physical form for a moment,
Watching.

But when I am particularly low,
When my light is flickering,
She comes closer,
Smiles into my eyes,
Deep,
And I am renewed.

Only later do I realize,
I have seen her again.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

I Can't Explain Passion

I can’t explain passion,
And if I could,
I wouldn’t.

I can’t explain passion,
And if I would,
I shouldn’t.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Unmarked Path

What is this betrayal?
Born of honesty
Surrendered to the truth of passion,
Sustained by lies.

What is this fidelity?
Born of pretense
Upheld by the facade of happiness,
Sustained by lies.

All these expectations,
Yours and mine,
So hard to fulfill
In this inexact life.

If we are brutally honest
And unhappy,
If we deceive ourselves
Into joy,
If all of this is illusion and delusion,
Still, there is love in the world
And the unmarked path of the heart.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

I Do Not Dream Of You

I do not dream of you,
For by the time I finally fall asleep
I am exhausted,
Weary of longing for you
Every waking moment.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Unavailable

I’d like to take just a moment
To reach you,
But your cell phone is ringing
And you must answer.

I’d like to take you to a quiet place
And tell you about this ache inside,
But you are already late
And have a busy day ahead.

In fact, the entire week looks bad,
So many tasks to complete.

When was the last time
You stopped
And let someone take your hand
And talk about love?

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Tracing

All tragedies now exist.

Yet,
Somehow,
Cool shadowed light
Filters through this wooded ravine
Weaving leaf-twig patterns
Across your bare sinewy back.

I trace them with my fingertips
To their inevitable destination.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

I Love Who You Are Not

I love who you are not,
For the awful things you never say,
The thoughtless things you never do,
For the person who is definitely not you,
I love who you are not.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Touch

Will you be glad you did not touch her?
So foolish,
Risky,
Betrayal,
For what?
Intimacy?

Yes, intimacy.
The intimacy of a stranger.
New,
Electric,
Passion,
Lust.

Will you be glad she did not touch you?
Responsible,
Practical,
Loyal,
To what?
Inevitability?

Yes, inevitability.
The inevitability of consequence.
Disruption,
Lying,
Denial,
Guilt.

And so, with full knowledge,
Without intention,
After considerable reflection,
Without decision,
She takes your hand,
You touch her cheek
And search her eyes for the answer.

The answer does not come.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

I See Them

There was a rabbit
Loose in the grove.
She taught me how to enter
The silence of its fear
So it would know
My innocence.

There was an old clock
Whose tic and toc
Was heard by those
Who could only imagine me.
She taught me how to travel
Through the sound
Into their hearts.

In spring her orchard was full
Of birds and butterflies.
She pressed her warm fingers
Over my eyes and said:
See from where
All pretty things come.

Her old Siamese
Loved his pie-pan milk
Steaming on the back porch.
One winter he was gone.
I remembered how still he sat
With folded paws
And cloud-blue eyes.

Looking into heaven
He finally found his way,
She whispered,
Close your eyes
And see him.

I see them.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Tomorrow

It has been a week since I wrote you
And said what I’ve never said before,
What I dare not say face to face:
I love you.

It has been a week since I wrote the word,
Love,
For the first time,
A word so commonly used,
Yet for me,
A rare jewel.

It has been a week since I wrote you
And still no reply,
Unless this is your reply.

Tomorrow?

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Designated Places

You and I were fallen angels when we met,
Fallen from illusions of a certain control over life,
Thrown together by the certain fate of happenstance,
Anonymous in our dark, confessional corners,
Free to be disarmingly honest.

We had little left to lose,
Certainly not vanity,
Not in our drowning gasps,
Not in the freefall of our despair.

Yet we were reprieved by our surrender
And familiarity welcomed us back,
Each to our designated places,
Rejoining the world,
No longer close.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Older Men

Older men want to be young again
So they fall in love with beautiful young girls,
Believing they can again be new,
Undetermined,
Free from the consequence of years,
Reborn.

Forgive them.
This is their last adolescence.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Survivors

After the hardhearted words,
After they are all spoken,
The impassioned phrases
So proudly pronounced
During love’s disillusioned duel
Reverberate,
Angry echoes
In the deep, dark dungeon of despair
That never quite die out,
That seem always on the lips,
In the cold stare
Of the one you still somehow love,
Who still somehow loves you.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

When She Says I Love You!

When she says,
I love you,
I awaken to the world.

I see the exquisite tracery of trees against the hills at sunset,
The rich hues of hills against the mountains,
The full measure of mountains against the sky,
The rusty soaring sky against heaven.

I hear voices speak inside myself,
The voices of all who pass by,
All so kind-hearted and friendly now.
I can understand the language of dogs and birds,
Of babbling babies pushed along in strollers.
They smile and greet me,
Saying: Yes, yes!
It is wonderful to be loved!

I feel the edge of evening coming on now,
So cold against my cheeks.
Oh God,
The rapture!

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

To Love Or Not To Love

All the reasons,
Why,
Why not,
All the emotions,
Why,
Why not,
All the confusion,
Yes,
No,
All the passion,
Yes,
No,
All the talking,
All the thinking,
The wishing,
The hoping,
The anxiety,
The fear,
The lust,
The guilt,
The despair,
The depression,
The dark,
The light,
The color of the sun,
The color of the sky,
Immortality,
Death,
Resignation,
Saturation,
Obsession,
Exhaustion,
Defeat,
Mourning,
Change,
Strategy,
Luck,
Fate.

Why?
Why not?
Yes,
No,
Yes,
No,
No,
No,
Absolutely no!

Yes.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Men Are Hungry

O young women be careful
How you smile at men.
You may think it a common courtesy,
Or a simple act of friendliness
To be openhearted and cheerful,
But you must be careful
Because men are hungry,
Though they will try and disguise it
In a thousand different ways,
Men are hungry.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Lights

Imaginary

If your paradise is an illusion,
Yet you believe you are in paradise,
Feel like you are in paradise,
Who is to say this is not real?

If your love is imaginary,
Yet it keeps you alive and dreaming,
Writing long love letters late at night,
Hoping, always hoping,
Until the oxygen finally runs out,
Who is to say this is not real?

Just because your heaven is a dream
Doesn’t mean you can’t live there.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Today Is Her Birthday

Momentary

When the light of your life grows dim,
When the love of your life is gone,
When the music stops
And you are back again to ordinary,
How exquisite the memory,
How painful the realization
That however lucky you may be,
All of this is momentary.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

Still Dreaming

Acquisitive by nature,
And nurture,
My inclination is to possess,
Especially in matters of love,
Especially romantic love,
Especially you,
But I am defeated by depth,
By the depth of my love for you,
Love beyond selfishness,
Love for who you are without me,
Who you must be without me,
Without me,
This relentless romantic,
Still dreaming of you
With (almost) no hope.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

You

for Laura

I love what is unfinished,
Unfolding,
Undecided,
Free from certainty,
Curious,
Growing,
Eagerly embracing change,
Surprised by each new day,
Listening for the voices of angels,
Ready for a miracle . . .

You.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved

My Secret

Plain, ordinary people
Sometimes fall in love,
Something that feels like love,
However brief.

It feels like love when it happens
To plain, ordinary people like me,
Who are not what you might call,
Good looking.

I go through life’s errands
Mostly unnoticed,
And then it happens.
I fall in love with a face,
With the gentle curl of her hair,
The liquid flow of her neck,
The sculpture of her fingers,
With something I cannot describe.

She notices me noticing her,
So I pretend not to notice
While I imagine she sees through
My plain appearance
Into my unclaimed heart.

Introductions are made,
We speak.
She shows no sign of knowing
That it is my wandering spirit
That has lingered here
To absorb the sound of her voice,
The light in her eyes.

She is formal and polite,
Quick to withdraw.

My secret is safe.

~ Russ Allison Loar
© All Rights Reserved